A news story on WOWT the other night told the story of a man who, while trolling for love online, hooked up with a sweet gal named Justine. Well things were going well in cyberspace, I don’t know maybe she gave good cntrl, alt, delete, and the guy took a chance and took it to the next level. He invited Justine over to his love shack for a little bump and grind. Justine took him up on the offer and showed up for an overnight sleepover.
The humppity hump musta been good for him because the next morning the man left Justine at his apartment while he went to work. Thoughts raced through his mind all day as he longed to get back home to his new love interest. Would another night of pure unadulterated love-making be in store? Yeah not so much. When he returned home he found Justine gone as well as his $700.00 laptop. He was crushed. He had shared his most secret thoughts with that laptop, not to mention his banking information. So he did what any other self-respecting man who finds his dates in a chat room would do. He called the cops.
Now I know some men and women in blue and for the life of me I can’t figure out how they kept a straight face while writing the report. How did they not wrap this guy in “stupid crime scene” tape and start ripping him with bad pun jokes. “So did you have your personal virus blocker on last night”. “Wow dude you must suck in bed if she stole your laptop, next time don’t leave the keys to your Prius laying around”. “Did you get her number cuz I got some shit I need someone to steal and save me a trip to the landfill”? “So what social networking site was this on, Looseyourlaptop.com?”
Good thing i wasn’t the first responder to this call. Dude what the hell were you thinking.While your trying to file a claim with your insurance agent between his bursts of hysterical laughter she is luring her next victim with your Dell. The giveaway should have been that you hooked up with her on snatch.com and the picture on the home page was a mug shot. Hopefully you wore a body condom so you don’t end up down at County Hospital asking “Doc have you ever seen a rash like this”?
Stay tuned for the next chapter in this ongoing saga titled “What the Fuck happened to my bank account”.