04.04.2010 Mongo in for Bugs

OPS plans to launch a plan this fall to install medical exam rooms in some area schools. The plan the say will allow children to be seen and treated and then get back to class. The rooms will allow blood work and even “get that prescription written”. Who will be staffing these clinics? A nurse or Physicians Assistant.

So let me get this right, Nurse Ratchet or that tattooed chick from my Doctors office could be looking at your kid without the watchful eye of the MD who should be more qualified to make medical evaluations? And who is going to guard the medical records of your child? The same people who keep the watchful eye of your child’s school records?  And what prescriptions will we be writing and will we be filling them on site? If so I can’t wait to hear about the OPS Pharmacy getting knocked over by a band of roving educators short on valume.

Stay tuned as the OPS Board has to add a medical wing on the side of the old Tech High to house the new level of administration that will no doubt surround this.

Police are on the scene at 40th and Cass where a man was found next to an apartment building. The investigation seems to center around a 4th story window on the building but no report if the person jumped, was pushed or was dreaming he was Superman on his way to nab the purse snatcher down at the Quik Trip on Saddle Creek.

 Anna “Chomper” Godfrey has given her side of the ear biting story. Anna said she did not bite off a man’s ear because he called her fat but did it in self defense. According to Godfrey there was a man at the party that was asked to leave and he didn’t want to so she got into an altercation with him and tossed him out. The man later returned and the fight was on again. Godfrey claims the man began to choke her so she had no choice but to bite him to get away and that she thinks squirrels ran off with the missing part of the mans ear.

In an attempt to recreate this scenario I stood in line at the Old Country Buffet and started making fat jokes at various women in line in an attempt to provoke an attack. While attempting to fight off the coke hold of a willing participant I attempted the ear bite move but was repelled by the enticing aroma of her perfume, Chanel #8, otherwise known as brown gravy with parsley. That and the fact that I could not get close enough to her ear due to the death grip she had on my throat lead me to believe, before I passed out, that this would have been a difficult move to accomplish. No squirrels were hurt in my investigation.

Thanks for all the emails the last couple of weeks. It’s good to be back. To answer one of your questions, no my acquittal was not based on a defense that someone planted false numbers on my tax return but the Judge did rule that my six figure charitable deduction to the Church of Shut the F***(family page, got to watch my language) up the Games On was valid due to it being based on Bingo losses on a fixed game.

Mongo Torrey


5 responses to “04.04.2010 Mongo in for Bugs

  1. The Wonderer

    kinda puts a whole new meaning into the “go big red” chant at south high.
    how bout “pound em packers”.

  2. The ops school medical staffs will likely be handing out condoms, the pill, creams and jellies,
    and all sorts of abstinence literature I’m certian.
    The question is,….will the condoms be in school
    colors, with the mascot on them?

  3. Or eaten. Cappy its good to see you again.

  4. Captain Obvious

    Mongo, taunting fat chicks at OCB can get you squashed. Be careful.

  5. Im reading the news here from now on. At least you tell it the way it is.
    The fat chick didn’t say if the ear was 4th meal or just a snack.

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